The eyes of a live studio audience are glued to me – I’m on a roll. I hear myself say, “I’ll take ‘bathroom facilities’ for $200, please.” Alex Trebek makes a witty comment about the crystal throne and gives the next clue: “You might find yourself waiting in line for one of these – if you’re lucky – in the iPad game ‘We Rule’.” Wait! I know the answer – I buzz – I blurt out “What is… ‘an outhouse’?” And then the audience, full of Pee-Wee Herman impersonators, starts giggling and pointing fingers at me.
Holy moly, you have no idea how thankful I was to wake up from that dream. Actually, ‘We Rule’ is a very real (and cute) game for the iPad. Think Farmville, but with castles, knights, and medieval accessories. If you can overlook the flaws, you might soon find yourself hooked!
How to Grow a Kingdom on your iPad
We Rule is all about creating a self-sufficient realm of citizens (read: lemmings) who roam around 24 hours a day in blissful harmony. Indeed- the worst thing that happens in We Rule is a failed crop. But don’t worry, no one starves!
This iPad game is the exact opposite of everything we know to be historically accurate about the medieval period. Cuteness abounds in the strangest places here. The clouds- flat, amateurish, and endearing- float randomly across the screen, temporarily obscuring the structures below. It never rains. Night doesn’t exist. Tailor shops have giant scissors on the roofs.
Once your faithful citizens have earned enough money, you can visit the store to buy more houses, businesses, decorations, and castle upgrades. And yes, you can buy an outhouse for your miniature people. They don’t ever say ‘thank you’, but it’s safe to assume if they had bladders, they’d be grateful.
There are a couple theme songs interspersed between sound effects: one is a contemplative piece incorporating plucked instruments and percussion; the other is an infectious little tune played on wooden flutes, which are just a pinch out of tune…charming, unless you’re super pitch-sensitive. Additional sound effects include birds chirping and wind-chimes.
Growing Crops
There’s a variety of crops available for planting- each with unique growing times, seed cost, harvest payments, and experience points. The list expands with every new level reached. But don’t ask me how these crops grow, because they defy science.
Another important note for farming: Push notifications for harvesting do not work. They are set on by default, yet nearly every day I load the app to find a whole field has spoiled. It’s a common complaint in the app store reviews as well. (Push notifications are working as of May 18)
Collecting Profits and Taxes
Houses and businesses earn you money. The waiting period varies – from 3 to 24 hours (possibly more; I haven’t unlocked everything in the store yet). Unlike crops, once the money becomes available, it stays there until you claim it. But yes, there is a catch. The waiting period doesn’t reset until you’ve collected the money, so be prepared to visit your iPad kingdom every few hours to keep a steady flow of coins coming in.
Re-Design your We Rule Kingdom
A tell-tale sign of We Rule addiction is the desire to rearrange your kingdom. Touch the Redesign button and drag an item to the new location. You can also single tap an item, which gives you the option to rotate or sell it. Don’t bother selling anything unless you absolutely must. It doesn’t tell you the resale value beforehand, and once you touch the dollar sign icon, it’s zapped. A mining camp that cost me 1,000 coins sold for 100. Ten percent isn’t that great for a fully functioning business!
Good, Clean Fun – But Beware of the Thinly Veiled Motive!
I’m on level 15 at the time of writing this, and finally have enough junk to make it look like a medieval Wysteria Lane. It’s pretty slow-going because I refuse to buy mojo points (except for the explicit purpose of reviewing this app). Mojo points are fake things you can buy with real money to accelerate the game. Let me say it again: fake things that cost real money. They charge your iTunes account. Yeah, there are plenty of other games that do it, and it’s a practice I openly loathe. The price of said mojo points range from $4.99 to $49.99. I tried it twice. The first time (a couple of weeks ago) it didn’t even give me a confirmation prompt before making the purchase. The second time (an hour ago) it did, thankfully.
My advice: draw a line in the sand on this one. Once you start, it’s hard to resist. It’s not like you’re physically handing someone cash or a card. No, it’s more like paying with monopoly money, until you get the receipt from Apple and gasp in horror at the real cost of this “free” game.
Tips for Using Free Mojo
Your free stash of mojo points is refilled every time you level up. Use them wisely! After some trial and error, I think the best application is crop harvesting. You could use them to complete construction on new structures, but all that does is initiate the waiting period more quickly. When applied to crops, you can harvest and replant immediately, giving you an instant boost in coins and experience points.
Inviting Neighbors
Before you can play We Rule, you’re required to sign up for an account with Plus+ Games- an online social gaming community. It’s got pros and cons, which I won’t get into right now. But it does add a whole social aspect to the game, allowing for neighbor kingdoms and interaction with friends. Basically, it’s another way to accelerate the gameplay without spending money. Hooray!
My Wishlist for We Rule, the iPad app version
If given the choice, anyone in their right mind who has played it on both the iPad and iPhone will choose the iPad app – so long as they continue to improve it. Here’s the list as it stands now:
- Screen rotation support: We Rule only works in landscape mode (where, arguably it looks the best) and that’s a big pain, if you’re using any dock accessories.
- Reliable push notifications. They do in fact work for everything except harvesting, which is ridiculous. Updated May 18: Push notifications for harvesting have been working for 2 days now! I thought maybe it was a fluke at first, but no, they seem to actually work. Awesome news for my already productivity-lacking life.
- More reliable server connections. And the ability to do some tasks off-line and sync with the server next time it connects.
- More details on items available for purchase. Currently the only information supplied is the item’s name and cost. Additional details would be extremely helpful: resale value, income opportunity, and waiting period between payouts.
- The option to plant one crop on the entire plot of tilled land, as well as auto-harvesting.
- Easily switch between players; a request I saw several times in the app store reviews. One reviewer said that if you restart the game 3 times, it will prompt you for a login. But it would be stupid simple for the developers to add a logout button in the user menu. That way siblings Billy and Sue can both enjoy We Rule on the iPad.
- More accurate item movement. Animals and people walk right through fences. I’m not sure why it bothers me, but it does. Plus, I would like to be able to build a fence around some of those animals to keep them contained.
- And last but definitely not least: better touch-control. The issue is two fold. First, if you have structures or crops close together and attempt to collect money in rapid succession, the screen starts zooming in and out like a magnifying glass on acid. The double tap zoom is the culprit. Unfortunately you can single tap an area that’s a full finger-width apart – twice, and it still treats it like a double tap. Secondly, when trying to rearrange items, it’s way too difficult to latch on to the item you want to move.
Middle of the Road, as far as iPad Games Go
It’s a fun and potential-rich iPad game app. But I can only give it 3.5 stars based on the major flaw with push notifications, and the shady mojo points purchasing. If those two elements were addressed, I’d give it 4 stars.
A closing note: If you’re adamantly against cuteness, or just find this concept too bizarre, check out Labyrinth 2 HD for the iPad. The graphics are sexy as all get-out, and while you have to invest a few bucks upfront, there’s no evil mojo points anywhere. Promise.
